In light of recent events, I had been a little distracted. Forgot about a Calvary Chapel Night of Worship scheduled for this evening. Thrilled at the prospect of going, I texted a couple friends, grabbed my daughter, and we ran to the church. In my mind, I was going to get a lot of healing tonight. Feel God so close to me again, feel loved again. Worship is my drug. I would give up anything to be able to worship and praise all the time. God would take the hurt away, I’d not feel unloved anymore, and I could go on with my life.
Let’s back up a few days. This was not my weekend to have my daughter. A few days ago I was only going to have her on Saturday for a Girl Scout function. Then last night I decided it would be a good idea to switch weekends with her dad, so I made the call and thankfully, he agreed.
First will of God. Have me so broken that I would NEED to go to Night of Worship, even though I had been sick the last few days. Second will of God. That I would actually have custody of Katie to take her to the Night of Worship. Here we have 2 God-oh-inces (stolen from Pastor Bob Coy)….. I have Katie “all of a sudden”, and I remarkably just “remembered” that there was a night of worship at the church on this very day. Hmmmmmmmm. Just so happened? I think not.
So excited. It’s my daughter and I, meeting a friend and daughter. As I sit in the sanctuary, my eyes are already filling with tears as I wait for the Holy Spirit to take me to that place I long to be 24/7. My friend comes over, there are 4 front row seats saved, just for us. I have NEVER been able to sit front row. It’s not allowed when the choir sings, and being in the choir usually meant we had to sit at least 10 rows back or to the sides. Since the choir was “off” for this night of worship, that rule did not apply. Let’s check this again. Have my daughter last minute. Remember night of worship, last minute. Texted friend, last minute. Friend finds 4 front row seats, last minute.
Just as we sit down to wait, the worship community takes the stage, the sanctuary erupts with applause and we all jump to our feet in anticipation. Oh, this is what I needed. This is what I’m here for, the touch of Jesus to make things all right again.
The first songs are amazing, calling the Holy Spirit into our house…… the smell was amazing, so fresh, so pure, the spirit was everywhere, soaking up everything, anointing the worshippers. Hugging us. Hugging me.
Pastor Clay titled tonight “Did you Ask Him”. Talked about asking God before doing things on your own. Ok, now he’s talking to me. Did I ask God about what tonight was about? No. I only “assumed” this night was going to be all about me getting my “fix”. Jesus is laughing at me I’m sure….. He had a big surprise waiting for me….
Pastor Clay gets to the part where he asks people to give their lives to Jesus. He’s really pulling on heartstrings and I’m wishing I could be born again, again. Then I hear this sweet, most magical sound I have ever heard before.
My darling little girl, 11 years old, looks up at me with those big beautiful green eyes, and asks me if she could go up. I looked at her with my heart in my mouth, telling myself to stay calm, lets make sure I’m hearing this correctly. I asked her if she knew what that meant, by going forward. She answered yes, and shook her head up and down. She looked a little nervous. I told her to go on… she was scared. I offered to go up with her, she took my hand and led me the 3 or four steps to the stage. I look over and my friend is standing there with her daughter as well. The tears start rolling down both our cheeks. I stand behind my daughter, holding her, touching her shoulders, letting her know I’m with her, and I am silently saying my thank you’s to Jesus, silently giving him back the daughter he so graciously lent to me to protect and nurture while she’s on this earth. Wow. Sharing that moment with Jesus has got to be the most amazing feeling I have ever experienced. In that moment I knew that it was Katie’s night to be there. This was the moment she would have ever lasting life, her name is now in the Lamb’s book, and will rejoice in heaven and praise Jesus forever. Just sit back and think about that. At that moment, nothing else mattered. NOTHING was more important than my precious child receiving her Savior by choice. Did I ask for this from God? Oh yes, I did, many many times, and for many many years. Since the day she was born. I knew it would come. I am so thrilled it did.
We talked on the way home about what this means, how she is now filled with the holy spirit, what that entails, what steps we do to make sure she stays on the right track. I mentioned getting water baptized. Dunked in the ocean. The eagerness on that little girl’s face was like Christmas morning and seeing the presents under the tree for the first time.
Yes. I asked God. And he provided. Praise the Lord.